Walk 5

• The guru whispered the mantra in my ear.
• I closed my eyes expectantly and began to chant.
• What was I expecting? An acid trip? Colors, images, or sound?
• I thought then that I will be able to see, and I will just see as things pass.
• But sight also demands that I should at least want to see.
• Always wanting to see is exhausting and sometimes painful.
• Eventually, repeatedly, I am overcome by sleep as I gradually loose the will to see.
• Sleep does not allow me to see.
• Sleep takes away my pain. But ultimately, it takes away me from myself.
• And then, after a while, I wake up, ruing the loss of time, the loss of life.
• Every moment, I am getting cross eyed from sleep, from lethargy, with lack of focus.
• I don’t have any lens to focus myself. I feel too dissipated and dispersed.
• The intention to act is actually what keeps me awake, and focused. 
• It is not pain that can keep me awake. Pain is eventually won over by sleep, or unconsciousness, or numbness.
• I arise with the intention to see.
• Depression is loss of intention.
• Loss of intention is induced by passivity.
• The manifest of an intention can take any form. It can be pleasurable or painful.
• The manifest can or cannot be ignored but it certainly cannot be allowed to subvert intention.
• If I have no intention, will I not exist?
• Can I exist without intention, without seeing, without smelling, without thinking, without anything?

Walk 4

• Expectation obstructs concentration. Effort made with an expectation of an experience will have an opposite effect.
• Fixing intent on one point, to the exclusion of others is concentration. An experience should not be expected from concentration on an object. 
• Concentration is about constant sustenance of intent. Concentration is not about pain or abuse to the body. Neither it is about the object of concentration.
• Intent is possibly the first realization that is not sense evident. All objects of concentration like darkness before the eyes, breath, or a flame are dependent on sense and associated sensory organs, and therefore considered mundane. 
• Senses if withheld or sense organs if physically destroyed, will only cause pain and harming of the body. 
• Senses are destroyed by concentration. That is, the control of senses over mind is destroyed by concentration.
• Concentration is about intent and not about the sense object being concentrated upon.
• Concentration is the door to self. 
• Self is eternity.
• Concentration is persistence.
• Without persistence there can be no concentration.
• Persistence has same effect as modafinil/adderal, as it removes stupor & sleepiness.