Walk 5

• The guru whispered the mantra in my ear.
• I closed my eyes expectantly and began to chant.
• What was I expecting? An acid trip? Colors, images, or sound?
• I thought then that I will be able to see, and I will just see as things pass.
• But sight also demands that I should at least want to see.
• Always wanting to see is exhausting and sometimes painful.
• Eventually, repeatedly, I am overcome by sleep as I gradually loose the will to see.
• Sleep does not allow me to see.
• Sleep takes away my pain. But ultimately, it takes away me from myself.
• And then, after a while, I wake up, ruing the loss of time, the loss of life.
• Every moment, I am getting cross eyed from sleep, from lethargy, with lack of focus.
• I don’t have any lens to focus myself. I feel too dissipated and dispersed.
• The intention to act is actually what keeps me awake, and focused. 
• It is not pain that can keep me awake. Pain is eventually won over by sleep, or unconsciousness, or numbness.
• I arise with the intention to see.
• Depression is loss of intention.
• Loss of intention is induced by passivity.
• The manifest of an intention can take any form. It can be pleasurable or painful.
• The manifest can or cannot be ignored but it certainly cannot be allowed to subvert intention.
• If I have no intention, will I not exist?
• Can I exist without intention, without seeing, without smelling, without thinking, without anything?