Random Walk of Ten Steps

Friday, July 18, 2014

The guru whispered the mantra in my ear.
I closed my eyes expectantly and began to chant.
What was I expecting? An acid trip? Colors, images, or sound?
I thought then that I will be able to see, and I will just see as things pass.
But sight also demands that I should at least want to see.
Always wanting to see is exhausting and sometimes painful.
Eventually, repeatedly, I am overcome by sleep as I gradually loose the will to see.
Sleep does not allow me to see.
Sleep takes away my pain. But ultimately, it takes away me from myself.
And then, after a while, I wake up, ruing the loss of time, the loss of life.
Every moment, I am getting cross eyed from sleep, from lethargy, with lack of focus.
I don’t have any lens to focus myself. I feel too dissipated and dispersed.
The intention to act is actually what keeps me awake, and focused.
It is not pain that can keep me awake. Pain is eventually won over by sleep, or unconsciousness, or numbness.
I arise with the intention to see.
Depression is loss of intention.
Loss of intention is induced by passivity.
The manifest of an intention can take any form. It can be pleasurable or painful.
The manifest can or cannot be ignored but it certainly cannot be allowed to subvert intention.
If I have no intention, will I not exist?
Can I exist without intention, without seeing, without smelling, without thinking, without anything?

Expectation obstructs concentration. Effort made with an expectation of an experience will have an opposite effect.
Fixing intent on one point, to the exclusion of others is concentration. An experience should not be expected from concentration on an object.
Concentration is about constant sustenance of intent. Concentration is not about pain or abuse to the body. Neither it is about the object of concentration.
Intent is possibly the first realization that is not sense evident. All objects of concentration like darkness before the eyes, breath, or a flame are dependent on sense and associated sensory organs, and therefore considered mundane.
Senses if withheld or sense organs if physically destroyed, will only cause pain and harming of the body.
Senses are destroyed by concentration. That is, the control of senses over mind is destroyed by concentration.
Concentration is about intent and not about the sense object being concentrated upon.
Concentration is the door to self.
Self is eternity.
Concentration is persistence.
Without persistence there can be no concentration.
Persistence has same effect as modafinil/adderal, as it removes stupor & sleepiness.

Bliss or joy is absence of pain, joy does not exist as such.
Cessation or reduction of pain is the objective of any action at any given point of time.
Desire to cease or reduce pain is cause of desire for action.
Choice of action, and the perception of choice itself, is free will.
Ability to act and choose an action, defines the identity within. That identity is my ego.
Sometimes, we create pain to know that we are alive. Some pains are pre-programmed and form the basis of our primal existence like hunger, urge to procreate etc., and even senses like feelings in a mother towards its offspring.
Cessation of pain through sleep or death is not considered a solution.
Sleep is broken intermittently, thankfully, and we are programmed to avoid death. I just want to exist without pain. Every waking moment is defined by existence of some kind of pain, the perception of that pain, and a sense to get rid of that pain.
Complete and permanent cessation of all pain together with continued existence of self is liberation and freedom.
Complete cessation of pain is the ultimate objective, or want, of life. The promise or hope of cessation of this pain is the primary reason for any individual submitting to any kind of doctrine whatsoever.

If God exists!
World exists within God.
What you see around is God.
God is not a personification that exists within this world, but world exists in God.
God made the world from himself as there was nothing else other than God in the beginning. If there was a beginning at all.
God made the world within himself as there was no space other than himself.
God created space and time, and before that light perhaps. If you can believe in God, then perhaps you can also understand theory of relativity.
Free will is my ignorance of future. Past, present and future are already cast, otherwise time cannot be created.
God created Gandhi; and Hitler. He also created Lucifer and Santa Claus, even if only as concepts in human mind. He is responsible for who and how Dalai Lama is, as well as Bin Laden. He was responsible for the holocaust, and every other horror you have seen or recollected so far. God is responsible for every atom that exists and moves. Otherwise God cannot be "a God".
Will you appeal to God's better nature now? What God wants, God gets. What exists is what God wants, the good, the bad, and the ugly.

I within is the teacher and mind is the pupil. I is God. If you want to worship God, worship the I within.

Easier said than done, zee "I" is as easy to grasp as an oiled egg; if not more. Where is I, behind your eyes? In your toothache? In your heart? Is it the sum of your sensations? Is it real?
Does the act of discussing about something make it real? Like, I can discuss Unicorns right now.

What I seek, will be attained by restraining the self within the self. Even if done for the duration of a wink of an eye, it is done.
Senses are restrained. What are senses unrestrained? Is desire restrained? Are senses not inanimate?
Words are the characteristic of speech.
The characteristic of mind is thought
Determination is the characteristic of understanding or perception.
Characteristic of mind is meditation.
Characteristic of devotion is action.
Knowledge is characteristic of renunciation.
The qualities, the things that are perceived, are inanimate. They are created again and again, with a beginning, middle and an end. Truth lies beyond these qualities that define the world to us.