Walk 10

• Meditation is an act of persistence.
• Persistence needs resolve.
• I is nothing but a resolve.
• Through a resolve 'I want to be', I exists.
• And 'I' sees, because you can't see without a resolve of 'to be'.  
• Stronger the resolve, further you exist.
• Farther and further you exist, transcending pain, sleep, and eventually death maybe.
• With a strengthening resolve you see farther and farther.
• Eventually you see the universe within, that is savikalpa. 
• Vikalpa being the presence, or absence of resolve. 
• To exist, eventually you will require a resolve no more.
• Or maybe, the resolve will be absolute.
• Existing without a resolve will be nirvikalpa. 
• Nirvikalpa existence will be final, as there would no longer be a choice to forget who you are. 
• Resolve can be of any act to start with.
• Weakening of resolve leads to depression.

*Vikalpa : Option

*Nirvikalpa : Absence of Option

 

Walk 9

• Seer is defined by the seen, and the other way around maybe.
• Self identification or 'I' is primarily associated with the seer.
• Attributes of the self are however, defined in terms of seen as seer has not been known to have attributes.
• One of the attributes of seer is as agency that defines what is seen.
• Both seer and seen are thoughts in the end, arising in mind.
• Because they are thoughts they cannot transcend sleep, or death.
• 'I' is the primal thought arising in mind and is defined on our waking up.
• Every other thought is in context of 'I' thereafter.
• 'I' and collections of thoughts together define the mind.

Walk 8

• Expand, or contract consciousness, at will.
• If it is not your will, then the expansion and contraction will be controlled by circumstances.
• Meditation can go either way, it can either expand, or contract your consciousness.
• The type, and nature of intent plays a significant role. 
• The activity, of meditation, itself is repetitive and insentient. A mechanization at most.
• The mechanization however is needed as base to stand on.
• Gradually the repetitive activity will be lost.
• Consciousness defined by the intent, will remain.
• Both expansion and contraction have their own rewards, and necessity.

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• Shiva, without Shakti, was undifferentiated consciousness. 
• This undifferentiated consciousness is the self, but something other than ego.
• It is formless, and without attributes.
• Shiva created Shakti. The seer created the seen.
• Material world manifested out of consciousness, therefore. 

  

Walk 7

• Purpose of life is cessation of pain.
• Short term pain is acceptable if there is a promise of cessation down the line
• Consequently my reality is limited by amount of pain I can accept.
• Withholding of attention increases a sufferer's pain.
• If pain is all that is withholding me, then do people with pain asymbolia have unbounded reality?
• Auschwitz is another planet - those who have been there need no explanation, while those who have not, must accepted the limited scope of what is in their power to imagine, despite the massive amount of data at their disposal : Ka-Tzetnik.
• Two views
• Pain reduces the sufferer's world, obliterating language, consciousness, and interaction.
• Pain can lead to intellectual growth, moral benefit, and soul-fashoning 
• (From the book, Knowledge and Pain, edited by Esther Cohen et.al.) 
• So, it implies that self-flagellation will not lead me to enlightenment, neither will indifference to pain. Otherwise I would have saints in masochists, and in people with pain asymbolia.
• Back to square one. Again!

Walk 6

• S: Intelligence manifests itself on appropriate matter
• R: Matter manifests itself in intelligence 
• The sleeping state indicates that the consciousness has the power to withdraw and expand itself. 
• Meditation is observing the consciousness expand or contract itself in the context of some activity until the correct identification is attained. 
• Mind tries to fathom consciousness but is usually distracted.
• Sleep is brought under the voluntary control and will, that is, the expansion and contraction of consciousness is brought under voluntary control of self. Since consciousness cannot be controlled externally, this can be done only by identifying with the consciousness itself.
• One who knows that it functions both externally and internally is definitely superior to one who has explored only the waking and dreaming states.
• To exist is the final truth.
• What exists outside, exists based on an existence inside.
• To exist without support and without any basis is realization. 
• All supports for existence are transitory.
• Existence for your daily dopamine fix is particularly painful.

Walk 5

• The guru whispered the mantra in my ear.
• I closed my eyes expectantly and began to chant.
• What was I expecting? An acid trip? Colors, images, or sound?
• I thought then that I will be able to see, and I will just see as things pass.
• But sight also demands that I should at least want to see.
• Always wanting to see is exhausting and sometimes painful.
• Eventually, repeatedly, I am overcome by sleep as I gradually loose the will to see.
• Sleep does not allow me to see.
• Sleep takes away my pain. But ultimately, it takes away me from myself.
• And then, after a while, I wake up, ruing the loss of time, the loss of life.
• Every moment, I am getting cross eyed from sleep, from lethargy, with lack of focus.
• I don’t have any lens to focus myself. I feel too dissipated and dispersed.
• The intention to act is actually what keeps me awake, and focused. 
• It is not pain that can keep me awake. Pain is eventually won over by sleep, or unconsciousness, or numbness.
• I arise with the intention to see.
• Depression is loss of intention.
• Loss of intention is induced by passivity.
• The manifest of an intention can take any form. It can be pleasurable or painful.
• The manifest can or cannot be ignored but it certainly cannot be allowed to subvert intention.
• If I have no intention, will I not exist?
• Can I exist without intention, without seeing, without smelling, without thinking, without anything?

Walk 4

• Expectation obstructs concentration. Effort made with an expectation of an experience will have an opposite effect.
• Fixing intent on one point, to the exclusion of others is concentration. An experience should not be expected from concentration on an object. 
• Concentration is about constant sustenance of intent. Concentration is not about pain or abuse to the body. Neither it is about the object of concentration.
• Intent is possibly the first realization that is not sense evident. All objects of concentration like darkness before the eyes, breath, or a flame are dependent on sense and associated sensory organs, and therefore considered mundane. 
• Senses if withheld or sense organs if physically destroyed, will only cause pain and harming of the body. 
• Senses are destroyed by concentration. That is, the control of senses over mind is destroyed by concentration.
• Concentration is about intent and not about the sense object being concentrated upon.
• Concentration is the door to self. 
• Self is eternity.
• Concentration is persistence.
• Without persistence there can be no concentration.
• Persistence has same effect as modafinil/adderal, as it removes stupor & sleepiness.